Unable to take this current medication any longer, I went and saw my doctor. He's going to put me on a different med, Abilify. Hopefully this one will be much better than the one I'm on now.
Because quite frankly, the past two months has been a trip down the rabbit hole that I wish I didn't take.
Everything has gotten twisted around in my head. I'm not the same person I was 2 months ago, and looking back now, I miss my old self. Sure, I would get randomly depressed and go into major funks. But at least I didn't have the bad shaking and the bad attitude. If Abilify doesn't work for me, then I'm going to get my doctor to just put me back on the med I was on originally.
I've been thinking about the past a lot this morning. Mainly, I've been thinking about the friendships I've made in the past that, over time, have become lost to me. I am not a social person, so some of the best friends I've had in life are the ones I've made online. I call these lost friends of the past, "Ghosts". Because even after all these years, I still randomly think about them, wonder how they're doing, what they're up to, if they even still remember me. I guess you could say that the old friendships "haunt" me.
Even so, there are friends I've made recently that I am still in touch with. People who I trust with my everyday rants and problems and really bad jokes.
There is Renee, my friend from Canada. I met her on deviantART. She's a brilliant poet who knows a lot about life. It never fails for us to write each other "novel" length messages to each other about our lives. Which is what I love, because even though we've been friends for several years now, we always have something new and interesting to talk about.
There is Alison, another astonishing poet and writer who I met on a old site called Free Open Diary about 10 years ago. She's in her early 20's now, and I've been talking to her since she was a teenager. In some weird internet way, I've watched her grow into an intelligent young woman. I almost feel like her creepy old uncle haha. I can always count on her for good advice, and what I respect most about her is that she doesn't judge me or hold it against me that we have different views on God and religion. She's probably the smartest Christian I've ever met. And she's completely obsessed with Harry Potter, which is a plus =P
Then there is Anna, a girl I used to go to high school with. We lost touch for a long time, only occasionally bumping into each other at Wal-Mart. But then after a tragedy in her life, we started talking again. She's also a writer (all my friends are writers haha). She's very creative and artistic. I know I can go to her about anything, any problem, and she'll always be there to listen and not judge me. She's not a religious person, but I would say she's very spiritual. She knows the darkest depths of Depression just like I do, and I hope I've helped her as much as she's helped me in the past.
I may not have very many friends, but the ones I do have, I count my blessings that they are apart of my life. Sure, I may never meet them in person, may never be able to actually hang out with them, but at the end of the day, I still count them as my closest friends because of the words we share together. What does a few hundred or thousand miles matter when it comes to the bond of true friendship?
~D. C. Blanton
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